Spontaneous Combustion
by UltimatePalmTree
Summary: [CRACKFIC] Demyx has never heard of the theory of bursting into flames randomly and for no good reason...


**Spontaneous Combustion**

by UltimatePalmTree

* * *

"Hey, Demyx,"

"Yeah?" Demyx looked up from the book he had been reading – Roxas was surprised Demyx could actually read – and waited for Roxas to continue with what he had been saying.

"Have you ever heard the theory of spontaneous combustion?"

Demyx paused, obviously searching his brain for the right answer. Roxas could practically hear the little gears whirring and all the microprocessors short circuiting in rapid fire succession. Finally, Demyx focused back on Roxas and said, "No,"

"I overheard it from someone today… Apparently it's the theory that someone can randomly and at any time in the day and at any place in the universe suddenly burst into flames,"

"I think Axel does this every other day, Roxas. We just needed a name for it," Demyx said.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "I'm serious. According to the guy who was in the marketplace, it's very well-documented, with cases ranging all across the multiverse,"

"Hold on a second," Demyx held up his hands, and the book fell out of his lap. He seemed not to notice. "You're telling me that one of us could randomly and suddenly burst into a fiery ball of flesh and bones in any place in the multiverse, and there'll be nothing you can do about it?" Roxas nodded. "That's impossible," He stood up, grabbing the book from off the floor of the lounge (which, by the way, never lost the purple stain) and continued. "I mean, what if you're in Atlantica? Will you 'pontrainiously' combust or whatever it's called in the middle of Atlantica? There's water all around you. It'd put it out! And when there isn't water, there'll probably be a bunch of other ways you can put the fire out,"

Demyx shook his head and started off towards the library. "It's stupid, Roxas. Don't believe it,"

It was at that moment that Demyx's Organization XIII trench coat decided to randomly burst into flames.

Demyx, at first and being Demyx, didn't notice anything. Then he sniffed, stopped, and turned around. He managed to somehow get a view of the fires eating their way up his coat, and he panicked. "Oh my God! I'm on fire! Help me, Jesus! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me!" He screamed and threw the coat off, eyes wide as his shirt decided to be the next thing to spontaneously combust. He yelped in surprise, then ran screaming down one of the hallways.

He didn't even notice Roxas rolling around on the floor and laughing.

* * *

Meanwhile, Axel was watching television quietly up in his room.

He frowned slightly, sniffed at the air, muttered "Is something burning?" and padded out into the hallway.

Standing in the middle of the hallway, almost naked save for a pair of hastily thrown-on dorm pants, and reeking of smoke was Demyx. Axel was sure that he had never seen Demyx look so pissed in his happy little life. What Demyx said next certainly surprised him more than anything else.

"I am going to kick… your… skinny… little… white… ass…"

* * *

You can tell if I like a character by how I treat them.

If I hate them, I won't even touch them.

If I love them, like poor little Demyx here, I'll torture them like I'm the Marquis de Sade.

I wonder why my characters keep coming back for more.

Yes. A random crackfic thought up in art class while – for some odd reason – thinking about spontaneous combustion. That's what led to this.

Yes, the "Help me, Tom Cruise" line is from _Talladega Nights_. Note I haven't actually seen this movie (I want to, though, simply because it has Will Ferrell in it and Will Ferrell rocks my socks), but it fit so nicely into the story and I decided to use it. I don't own this line, _Talladega Nights, Kingdom Hearts_, Demyx, Axel, Roxas, or the theory of spontaneous combustion. I do own the purple stain (if you're curious, check out _Murder in the Lounge_. All will be explained in due time) and Demyx's word substitute for 'spontaneously'.

I hope you enjoyed this random little ficcie I wanted to write. Expect more, 'cause my friends and I are random at the end of the day.


End file.
